Not the best afternoon!

I suppose after our grill randomly stopping working, which I found out while trying to grill myself some lunch whilst in the middle of cooking dinner ready to put in the slow cooker, during this particular juggling act, I went back into the computer room to fetch my phone, because it was bound to ring if I didn’t, only to discover that our older cat had just had a runny tummy on the floor. Unfortunately I found this out with my foot. Luckily I was wearing slippers. OCD nightmare mind you. I am now stood, flamingo like, one slipper on, the other immediately shucked off in disgust, not wanting to put my foot down – even though I am a good metre away from the offending area. Finally take the plunge, and kind of sideways salmon leap, at the same time as kicking off the second slipper.. and run upstairs to get some slipper socks. All I can think is ‘I don’t want to touch the floor.. I don’t want to touch the floor’ Socks on, almost normality restored, I run back down stairs and realize I am actually going to have to deal with this. Argh. Practically a whole roll of Plenty kitchen roll and 3/4 of a bottle of dettol later, I am satisfied. (the offending area was actually only about 15cm across). I now have a paper dilemma.. Right. I go and get a carrier bag, and pick up the paper (which I have wrapped in more paper) in the bag.. and put that in another bag. Sigh I KNOW I KNOW..THINK OF THE PLANET. Oh well. Its at this point I remember dinner.. oooooops! Run into the kitchen, luckily it’s just simmering away, ready to go into the slow cooker.. thankfully not burned. Then I realise my lunch is stone cold.. due to the grill. Not really feeling that hungry anyway, so kind of just give up on that idea. Its now 2:20, courier that I have been waiting in all day still hasn’t turned up, so I phone the twins godmother, and she agrees to collect them from school. Phew. They turn up, 5 mins later the courier turns up.. huge crash from upstairs.. I just grin wanly and sign for the parcel. Rush upstairs.. smash soap dish. Not really a massive deal to be honest but..just one of those days. Well I suppose after all that it should have been no shock that I managed to cut my finger open when attempting to glue the soap dish back together. Although I am counting my blessings that I didn’t glue myself, or the soap dish, to anything as I was using superglue. Now just to go clean the bathroom floor, as one of the boys decided to sit on while wiping his bottom.

Then is it time for a gin?

Is there even enough gin?

Is there *ever* enough gin?

Not so elegant..*sigh*

The last of the rescued, featured blog posts from the old site :)
I hope you enjoy them all!
Posted on 08 October 2012 17:00
So..some of you will know that I keep chickens.. along with everything else that goes on here – life is often hectic! As I am sure you have gathered..

 This morning, I went out, noticed that two of the huge drinkers we have had leaked, so thought I would nip in and rectify the problem.
 For some unknown (even to me) reason I decided it would be OK to do this in my shoes. My Irregular Choice ‘Blythe’ flats. I mean..seriously..
 We (like most of the country) have had some horrendous downpours over the past few days – the ground is SO sodden, that even with 5 inches (that is TWO whole flatbed truckloads..) of woodchip from our treesurgeon, there are some boggy areas..
 Might also be to do with a 25 litre drinker or two depositing their loads as well.
First one went relatively OK, small comedy moment involving hosepipe and fence, and my leg – but relatively ok. Went from our growers pen into our layers. Headed round to the second drinker, grabbing the hose on the way.
 Hose was a bit stuck, so shook it a bit. Shook it a bit more, gave it a big kind of loop pull thing, bracing myself on the ground, and sorted the problem, with minimal coverage of myself. Very pleased with myself I turned and stepped over the treadle feeder. 
 Fairly unsteadily as it happened, so kind of fell sideways but luckily I managed to get my second foot underneath me just in time – unluckily, i had left my right shoe in the boggy bit in the corner – where the hose had been put over the fence.. and I squidged my now bare foot into a mess of mud, wood chip and, well.. chicken poo.
 It was a HUGELY unpleasant feeling. 
Emily was round, we had just returned from the doctors, and it was a good thing too, as she was able to help me immensely by laughing supportively at me. Practically wetting herself as I then tried (while straddling a treadle feeder) to wash my foot clean with the hose, and wrench my shoe out of the ground – almost falling completely sideways – which would have landed me right on top of my audience of curious and confused layers. They moved out of the way with much disgruntled clucking, but thankfully I managed to regain my (squelchy) balance. 
 Sadly not my dignity.
I did try and muster as much of it as I could, while grinning stupidly, and rather soggily walking back to the house, where I ran upstairs and had a quick shower, and change of clothes.
 So if you did see me on the school run today, and wondered why I was wearing a pair of flourescent pink and black creepers with LP’s all over them – that is why. (They were the closest shoes I could find that were suitable to drive in, and not covered with, and full of in the case of the right one, chicken poo)


Reality Bites!

This is the penultimate rescued post from the old site :)

Posted on 29 September 2012 21:22
So.. when I wake up, I usually run through the day mentally.. plan what I am going to do.
 Yesterdays went something like this:
Get up
Wake kids up, brush twins teeth, go downstairs with them, make the lunches for everyone (including myself, as I will be lunching with the twins at their school today!) while the twins are eating their breakfast and getting dressed, and the older two are sorting their breakfast – and feeding the chickens.
 8am take the kids to school, drop older two off, then take the twins to their school.
 9am head to postoffice, get parcel sent off, then head to PC world for some ink for the printer, Dunelm for some storage boxes for jewellery bits, and the Range if needed for a whiteboard.
10am back home, cup of tea while working on commissions (that have been dutifully recorded on the whiteboard as per my 14 going on 57 year old daughter’s recommendation.. I say recommendation, I actually mean orders to be honest)
11:45 head to twins school to have their first ever lunch at school with them.. aww!
12:30 – 1ish – go home, enjoy chilled afternoon, get some work done (possibly) while we all watch a DVD (a nice treat for tired boys at the end of the week!)
4 – load the car up ready for Pamper Event at Forest View Primary school, make dinner for twins – have shower.
5 – head off for the evening.
10 – get home, relax for a bit, pass out.
Sounds fairly busy, but good!
What actually happened :
7am – wake up, run through above list in head.
7:10 – get up, go to wake children up. 14 year old appears to be hibernating, complete with grunts. Wake her up again. Head to boys room. 12 year old awake, with one 4 year old twin jumping on him. Second twin is bouncing on his own bed, throwing cuddlies at 12 year old.
7:15 Wake 14 year old up again. Appear to have lost daughter and gained some kind of sloth.
7:17 attempt to supervise brushing of teeth of twins, while trying to get 12 year old AND 14 year old out of their beds.
7:20 12 year old has gone down with 4 year olds for breakfast. 14 year old not yet out of room…yep.. is asleep….
7:21 Do some shouting type vocal excercises. Purely for health reasons, nothing to do with losing rag at sleeping teen.
7:30 finally some movement in that room. Realise am running out of time, run downstairs to eat my breakfast while making lunches.
7:35 By some miracle 14 year old is out feeding chickens. 12 year old is harassing her in the garden. They are having a fairly vocal ‘discussion’
7:36 Twins are finished with breakfast, have been for a little while. Are over excited about lunch at school. Ask them to get dressed.
7:40 Have made one sandwich. Twins have got nightclothes off, and are chasing each other naked around the lounge, hitting each other with their pants. Attempt to stop this while making another sandwich.
7:45 Have still made one sandwich. Still have naked twins, 14 year old strangely quiet. Am worried she has gone back up to sleep.
7:50 Have made second sandwich. Twins now have pants on their heads. Daughter has reappeared, and has been told to eat some sodding breakfast. 12 year old is fed, dressed and awake. Hurrah.
7:55 One twin has pants on – other one is running naked in circles around him. I am on third lunch, and contemplating nervous breakdown.
7:56 Hubby takes pity, sorts out twins getting dressed in uniform.
8:00 Twins are dressed, daughter has had breakfast – lunches are finally finished. Apart from mine, as have run out of time.
8:01 Get shoes, coats, lunchboxes, back packes, waterbottles and bookbags on the twins. This takes some time.
8:20 (*sigh) finally leave the house. 14 year old has been back up to the bedroom at least 4 times before we actually make it into the car.
8:35 drop older two off..head to boys school.
9am: Drop off went smoothly for a change! Hurrah! Head to post office.
9:10 Just join the queue ready to post off the parcel.
9:20 Still queuing
9:30 Still queuing.
9:40 Finally out – realise have forgotten what type of printer ink I need, head home to check.
10.00 Make it to PC World. No I don’t need anything. No I am fine thank you. Nope I am just browsing. No I am sure that is a FABULOUS special offer, but I am not after a netbook/camera/home entertainment system/3 legged yak.
10:15 make it out alive with printer ink. Head to Dunelm.
10:20 Make mistake of taking a trolley. Very narrow in there, around some precarious looking china. Uh.Oh. Wander around aimlessly with mouth open gazing at things I don’t want or need, with no idea why I am doing so. Storage boxes were just inside main door, and were in the trolley within 10 seconds of my entering the shop.
10:50 Decide I ought to stop looking at things. I really do not need a cherry stoner. Head to tills.
10:51 Hear announcement ‘Will all trained staff please head to tills’
11:15 Make it out, head to the Range.
11:25 Go in the front door of the Range, mentally repeating ‘I only need a whiteboard. I only need a whiteboard’
11:40 Come out of the Range with a whiteboard, a pack of 10 biros, a picture frame and a photo album. (In fairness I had a brainwave)
11:41 Panic, realising I have yet to make my lunch, and have to be at school in 19 minutes. EEEEEK.
11:45 Receive text message asking if I am about for twins Godfather to visit. Explain we should be back by 1pm. (Obviously I text when have arrived at home!)
12:01 Make it to school, with lunch. Attempting to look like I have got it all together and am in no way, shape, or form, a flakey moo.
12:30 We’ve all finished what was (surprisingly) a really nice lunch experience! Very sweet.
1:00 : Sean arrives to visit his godsons. Brings haribo. We watch Monster’s Inc and drink coffee (decaff in my case!).
1:15 One of the twins ate his haribo far too quickly, then lay on the floor and promptly threw up on himself.(Only a little bit!) I clean his hands, take his uniform off him, ask other twin to take his off too – put it all in the washing machine, send the boys upstairs to get dressed.
1:20 Toilet flushes.
1:21 Toilet flushes. Hmm.. well ok, they could both have gone. I exchange glances with Sean. Tell him that I am on alert, and next time it flushes I am heading up there.
1:22 Toilet flushes. I run upstairs. Half way up both twins appear at top of stairs, wearing only their vests,and   with dripping wet arms, and cry when they see me coming up. *sigh*
1:23. I put many towels all over the floor to mop up the water from the overflowing toilet that is jammed full of toilet paper, and retrieve the inner tube of the toilet roll from the overflow of the sink, and scrape the soap out of the plug hole.
1:25 Sean unblocks the toilet for me. He loves visiting us, he really really does.
1:26 Amazingly, have not had breakdown yet. Am considering gin. Unfortunately gin not an option as it is a)far too early, b) am in charge of children c) am driving later. Reconsider having breakdown.
1:28 Twins are now dressed and in naughty chairs.
1:32 Twins are out of naughty chairs, have apologised to Sean and I, we resume watching Monster’s inc.
2:00 Sean leaves (I doubt he has regrets!)
2:10 I decide to redesign my price list, and get it in the funky photo frame I bought earlier. I also print off a lot of pictures of bridal stuff, and past commission work, cut them out, and place them in the photo album – to use as my showcase, in between building duplo houses, reading school books and refilling drinks.. which takes me the rest of the afternoon.
3:30 My eldest arrives with the 14 year old and 12 year old, having picked them up from school. I chat to him while continueing to work on portfolio.
4:00 I get all the children’s dinner sorted, jump in shower while my weightwatchers microwave meal is cooking. Joy. Needs must as we are in a rush to get out – I manage to shower, dry hair and apply makeup before eating dinner. 
More impressively I manage NOT TO GET ANY ON MYSELF. As have realised am wearing nice lovely Joe Brown’s cream top, and eating chilli noodles, that look decidedly red.
5:17 Mei and I set off for the evening, nearly 20 minutes later than planned. 
5:56 Gangnam Style is playing on radio, we turn it up full blast – dance about like idiots in the car.
5:57 Realise I have advertising for my business all over the car, and turn it down – try to act like respectable trustworthy, mature person.
6:00 We arrive at the venue on time, set up, meet the lovely Marian who I’ve been chatting to for months on Facebook, and have a really nice evening, meeting some lovely people.
10pm Get home. Have very large brandy.
10:30  Pass out.

Uh oh..

 Last night saw myself and Mei appear at our booking at a really lovely, very exclusive, ‘Me Time’ evening, as an expert.
.So.. professional me.. arrived at the Pamper evening at the fairly posh Cheltenham Park Hotel, parked in a very tight parking space (WITHOUT HITTING ANYTHING! – no this is not a work of fiction) set up my display, ladies start to arrive, ready for the event to start. I was one of three experts scheduled to give a talk on my field. Little nervous.. 

..I pop out to the car to get the bits and pieces for a macrame demonstration, as the space was too tight to get the workbox out of the car, and I only needed one bag from in the top of it, I climbed in the back to get it.

Door shuts behind me.. childlocks are on. 
Feck!! Never mind.. I can phone Mei – who is inside – she can let me out.
Phone is next to Mei on the display.
Right, no biggy, I can climb over, get out the front seat. Which I do, and slip, cleverly managing to lose my shoe AND wedge my knee between the handbrake and the passenger seat.
I now have visions of being stuck in the car until people notice I am not there,and they send kind people to find and release me.
Oh the shame! Right, I can’t let that happen!
I carefully managed to extricate my knee, without too much pain, and find my shoe.. AND get in the front seat.. put the shoe on and make my escape.
Smooth down my hair, try not to limp and enter the room smiling. All professional like!
Still.. it took the edge of the nerves, kind of! All went well in the end.

..and I managed to get out of the space without hitting anything either! So that was good.